YOUR DAD WAS A HIPSTER. HV TUMBLR OF THE DAY.

"Your dad wore a knit cap before you did. Whether you call it a homeless hat, hipster cap, or a magical Prancing Cera ironic head coverall, your dad donned it while adjusting the jib on his schooner. He sailed, listened to yacht rock and used his knot tying skills in the bedroom with your mom."

"Your dad rode a cafe racer before you did. It was rebellious, it was dangerous and with every throttle pull it was like he was waving his dick at socially accepted norms. Your mom loved his bike too. With every motor rev her loins would sing high notes of exuberance as the seat rumbled."

"Your dad was an artist before you were. He was the Bob Ross of painting broads and just like Bob Ross, he can paint a mean bush. He was the Van Gogh of vag, the Picasso of pussy and the Warhol of getting women wet."

"Your dad was skinny before you were. Skinny was the result of kicking so much ass that he needed new boots. He didn’t have to go on the daily hipster diet of half packs of cigarettes and piss warm PBR, he just lived. He was out earning money instead of stealing WiFi from a coffee shop and reblogging posts about stupid hipster bullshit. So hipsters, next time you’re skipping a meal and jerking off to a photo of Levi’s Ex-Girlfriend jeans, remember this… You’re dad made skinny cool, why don’t you try and do something original like trying trying to make fat sexy."

"Your dad went to dance parties before you did. Long before you were grinding up against some poor hipster girl wearing an American Apparel jazz jumper at a Steve Aoki concert, your dad was showing honey dips his hip swivels. Every move you make, including that slightly hunched arm dangle seizure shake you do, he did first."

"Your dad rode a skateboard before you did and he has a picture in Thrasher to prove it. When your dad was younger, skateboarding was so underground that he had to build his own boards. The cops didn’t know what to do with this new shit kicking menace to the middle class, so they made skateboarding illegal. Your dad was so fucking gnar and awesome that the things he did for fun were made illegal in public places."

"Your dad wore desert chukka boots before you did. He traveled the world. He has bartered in Kolkata’s outdoor flee markets, gone on safari in Africa and hiked mountains in the Swiss Alps. Most shoes couldn’t withstand the wanderlust that your father’s feet had, that’s why he needed a boot that was comfortable, durable and suave enough to help him bed a new mistress in every foreign land he laid his head down in."