LA Designer and “Star of Reality TV” (Only in LA) Andrew Christian’s “Body enhancing” underwear is a staple of his range.
Hold on to your hats, lads.
Want to look a little more impressive in the underpants department?
Mind out the way.
You could be a candidate for the “Andrew Christian Shock Jock Brief”
“The Shock Jock boxer features a hidden padded cup in the frontal part of the brief to help shape and enhance the front package of a man; creating the perfect bulge. The hidden cup adds up to 2 inches (5 cm) onto your measurement.”
If it weren’t so tragic, a girl could fall about howling.
However: How, I wonder, is all of this insanity vanity different, or less tragic than those instruments of medieval torture/sorcery (aka Spanx, Push-up-bras) that we women so rely on?
Not at all, I suppose.
It’s all artifice and false advertising.
I suppose, if a chick is fast-thinking enough and able to switch the lights off before wriggling out of her Spanx, in front of an ardent (and unfairly expectant) sexual partner, not much harm is done.
I have not met many men who, when faced with a naked, enthusiastic woman, will give much critical thought to the minimal discrepancy between a waist or bust measurement that Spanx and push-up bras provide.
The lucky combination of male gratitude and sexual single-mindedness makes such trivia less significant at the moment critique.
But when women or gay men assess men, on the other hand, it’s a different story.
Men, it may be tough to hear this, but you still live in a world where size does matter.
Neither gay men, nor straight women are likely to be delighted if promised a Ron Jeremy, but are delivered one of Alvin’s chipmunks.
My COSMO editor advice to blokes, tempted to try one of “Andrew Christian’s Frontal enhancers?”
Spend your R250 money more wisely.
Invest in a bottle of decent Bison Grass vodka.
I can guarantee that by the time you have downed a shot or 4, your partner will be seeing double.