JOHN MAYER WOULD LIKE THE WORLD TO KNOW THAT HE IS NOT BACK WITH JENNIFER ANISTON.

Why don't you tell us how you feel?

Why don't you tell us how you feel?

Maybe John Mayer’s Mama was away on business when she should have been telling him that when someone says something incorrect, irritating or obnoxious about you, responding in great detail, in a public forum and during a time of heightened emotion, is usually not the best option.

Dignified silence has a way of dousing the flames of any story more than any other form of response.

Yesterday, The Huffington Post published a snippet about how he and and Jennifer Aniston might be back together, based on something he said at a concert on Sunday at The Hollywood Bowl.

So far, so tabloid.

The best reaction to the flotsam and jetsam of celebrity rumour and gossip, (which The Huffington Post has been known to print,) I would imagine, if you were the star in question, is no reaction at all.

But dignified silence was not exactly the route he chose to take.

His response, via his Tumblr, was the following.

“Ahh, Huffington Post, the internet Death Star. The world’s first spectator banking website. Come watch a site’s intelligence move in and out like bellows of accordion depending on whether or not there’s ad dollars to be sucked out of any willing orifice.

From their front page item “BACK TOGETHER?”:

Are John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston back on? Mayer seemed to indicate they might be when he spoke in front of a crowd of 18,000 at his concert on Sunday at the Hollywood Bowl in LA.

“I believe in second chances!” he said. “You might have been a pain in the ass the last time around, but you can still start over again from home base. Next time you get a text from the one you love just text back ‘come over’ – no matter what happened in the past. If you really love someone, just tell them and be with them.”

Huffington Post, this is reporting? How do you pay your writers now, in Silly Bandz? Do you meet your sources in a malt shoppe? This is equal parts fabricated, cobbled together and misleading. Let’s break it down: I don’t think I ever said “I believe in second chances!” but I can’t be 100 percent sure, as it’s possible I could have accidentally said something succinctly and to the point. The next sentence is from the song “Half of My Heart,” in reference to the idea that meeting new people allows for hiding old mistakes. (Well, for most people at least.) The sentence about texting comes from the show’s encore, “Edge of Desire,” in a moment of giving people permission not to beat themselves down for still wanting someone. Two sentences about different things at different points in a concert.

The reason I’m calling you out instead of all the other magazines that make stories up out of thin air is that In Touch and Star Magazine aren’t concurrently writing pieces about Pat Tillman or WikiLeaks. Those other rags know who they are, and even if they’re obnoxious, I’d rather have to live with them because they (and the rest of the world) know where they stand, which doesn’t make them one tenth as dangerous as you are. You’re a stripper wearing reading glasses. Or maybe you’re an insolvent law student willing to dance for a few extra dollars. Either way, it’s uncomfortable to watch you try to wrap yourself around a pole when you have that C-Span scar.

I’m not a politician. I have no celebrity endorsements. So it is with a clear conscience that I’m able to title your piece on this post, should you decide to try make a few more bucks for whatever body wash or slasher flick you’re hocking today.

JOHN MAYER SLAMS HUFFPO: ” GO F**K YOURSELF!”

Oh well. That’s telling them Johnny Boy.

Arianna and crew must be loving 1) the PR 2) the satisfaction of knowing that they pissed you off.

Is that the result he was aiming for?

One Response to JOHN MAYER WOULD LIKE THE WORLD TO KNOW THAT HE IS NOT BACK WITH JENNIFER ANISTON.

  1. Mel August 27, 2010 at 14:26 #

    Jeez, will someone put this idiot out of his misery already?!

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