The chicks of Jezebel, happily back on form, have given serious thought to the question of who to fuck, kill or marry, out of the these 3 beauts from Game of Thrones.
Here are their thoughts on the subject:
Please feel free to join in. (everything sounds dirty when you’re discussing sex and The Game of Thrones, doesn’t it?)
Why fuck? Well, he is handsome and he claims to be, erm, sizable. He also received his sexual education from several outspoken prostitutes whose affections for him seem to go slightly beyond what he’s paying them. You can assume he’s picked up some tricks of the trade.
Why marry? Tyrion is clever — perhaps the most clever of anyone in the whole George R.R. Martin universe — and would probably do a decent job of navigating you through the dirty politics of King’s Landing. He is a great conversationalist so you would never run out of things to talk about and he always has wine.
Why kill? Well, his family is an absolute nightmare. As much as he’s a black sheep, he’s sure to have picked up some of their dysfunction. He’s also the type who likes to prove he’s the smartest in the room and tends to be condescending.
Verdict: Fuck. Tyrion is too dangerous to marry, too enjoyable to kill, and probably has mad bedroom skillz.
Why fuck? As a member of the Night’s Watch, Jon Snow is off limits, which adds an element of thrill. He’s also dark, broody and has a slew of daddy issues that he could maybe channel sexually. Then there’s that face.
Why marry? Our Jonny Snowball is loyal to a T. He takes family very seriously and follows through on his responsibilities.
Why kill? I’m sorry, but Jon Snow is fucking boring. All he ever does is mope and feel sorry for himself even though he has a pet wolf and gets to cuddle with the maid from Downton Abbey in the middle of a glacier. He doesn’t even know how to spoon right.
Verdict: Kill. Yes, Kit Harington is handsome, but all Jon Snow is is a sad, boring virgin who takes everything too seriously
Why fuck? Robb Stark has only had one love scene in the show’s two seasons (I think?) and it was perhaps one of the most mutually passionate and caring of the series thus far.
Why marry? He has a steady conscience and seems to understand the consequences of his actions, but that doesn’t weigh him down like it does Snow or it did his father Ned. In fact, Robb seems pleasant, considerate and fun. He respects his mother (up until recently, at least) and seems to value the intelligence of women.
Why kill? Nope. Not going to do it. Long live the King in the North.
Verdict: Marry. marry. Forever marry.
My own preference?
Experience has taught me you not only marry the man, but his family … so … much as I looooove Tyrion Lannister, I would not love to have a sister-in-law like Cersei or much to do with any of the others, so I’m out on that one.
A lovely dirty 8 night stand will just about do it.
I would see it as an act of great philanthropy to put poor old Jon Snow out of his chilly misery so – it’s down a passing crevice for him.
Leaving me with Rob STark …
I wish there was a “nice, roaring fire, decent novel and a big glass of red wine, with no-one calling “Mooooooo – ooom!” “option in this game.
C’mon, we need some light relief from all this Spear of The Nation stuff.
What Who would you do?