…doesn’t stand a chance.
The Tribe are NOT known for our contribution to the fine cuisine of this planet.
At the risk of being run over by a massive 4×4, while the other Mommies cheer, the next time I venture to the school gates; the food we bring to the party is…oh well, shemzich.*
Unless you think deep-fried minced potatoes in (most-probably stale-ish) vegetable oil (aka latkes) are yummy.
Or you believe balls of stinky white fish in brine (Gefilte fish) are delicious.
Or balls of matzoh meal in chicken soup (Matzoh balls, duh) are Michelin-worthy.
Not too mention, our pride and joy: doughnut-shaped rolls of the world’s most concrete and unhealthy, plus calorific bread (bagels.)
Jewish food, in my opinion, is good for indigestion, coronaries, constipation and …. suffering.
All of which are considered absolutely fine by most of us Jews, as those unpleasant conditions are what we believe to be our birthright, and Jews like nothing more than a little self-inflicted suffering, followed by a lot of moaning and whingeing.
As we can’t exactly bond around our delicious meals (a la Les Francais for e.g,) whingeing and whining at each other, is how we bond.
While we cannot be called masters of the kitchen, no-one can say we do not, as a people, punch above our weight.
(Which, of course, is, per capita, not low. All that dense carbohydrate will do that to a race.)
And so it came to pass that …
in a flurry of (surely sadly misguided) self-confidence, some amongst us, have entered into one of the world’s most hotly-contested culinary battles.
That of cupcakes vs macarons.
A major league and epic battle for supremacy as the trendiest treat du jour.
Cupcakes are cute, infinitely customisable, light and fluffy, say their fans.
“Merde” say Team Macaron, “Cupcakes are sickly sweet and unsophisticated.”
It’s like a Mini World Cup.
With the sophisticated French vs the sugary Yanks.
And no-one says anything about rainbow bagels, because they are, almost 100% guaranteed, to be absolutely disgusting.