You will have to go somewhere else to get the Best Picture, Best Actress and the rest. Here? It's ... just the frock horror. Let begin! I know it is a crime above all others to diss HRH Queen Meryl, but ... of this was on anyone but her ... in fact, even if it was on her ... it's too much, it's a curtain from a ye olde movie house, not a dress worthy of the queen. Off with her Stylist's head!
The SortofMrsGeorgeClooneyOfTheMoment Stacey Kiebler, went AS an Oscar.
One night, Angelina Jolie, will mix it up with something other than CryptBlack. Last night wasn't the night.
Jlo is ready for her turn on Dancing with the stars. (Ouch, my eyes hurt.)
Can I just whisper that this whole pale and interesting thing is becoming a little .. um ... like ... brand values... Rooney Mara? Like a well-oiled marketing campaign? And just a little predictable, and even wan, tired? Yes! Just like your look/ USP! (TM) Nevertheless, in Givenchy.
Anna Faris came as a Diane von Furstenburg Disco Dominatrix.
I want you to imagine my Auntie Beryl wearing this to my daughter's batmitzvah next month. I can. It is Marchesa worn by Sandra Bullock, but it shouldn't be.
The Descendants actress, Shailene Woodley apparently said this Valntino gown was "so her." I suppose that works if, as Time Magazine points out she was a 44 year-old matron.
Kristen Wigg. You could have turned her J. Mendel upside down and used it to give the venue a bit of a dust-down for spiders etc before the show.
Glenn Close made a bold colour choice in Chlorophyll. Also bold shoulder pads, bold train ... not beautiful.
The Artist's Berenice Bejo. In braids and sequins and peppermint.
Wendi McLendon-Covey. Bridesmaid's dresses are notoriously challenging. This one proves no exception.
... and this Marina Rinaldi on Melissa McCarthy wasn't any better.
Tina Fey. What did we tell the world about peplums?! Good woman / bad Carolina Herrera dress, tragic Elvis hairstyle.
... and of course, there was, intentionally, this.
Via Celebuzz and HuffPo and Time.
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
Im so bloody bored of Angelina, boring, boring, BORING!!!
And what was Melissa McCarthy thinking?!?!?!
She’s a beautiful woman, her stylist needs to get the ol heave ho.
This thrills me so much. I need to do them one by one:
Meryl: Frock horror! Hohoho! Amazing. Although I don’t actually hat this dress, I’m not enjoying the trend of long dress + long sleeves + no tailoring + bling/metallic/sequin/sparkle. Like, if I ( of the sequined platform heels, the bear hat, the false eyelashes and purple glitter eyeliner and most recently the three dimensional unicorn ring) am saying OTT, then you know you have problems.
Stacey: I’m feeling Belville Matric Dance vibes. I hope George was wearing a matching waistcoat, tie and pocketsquare.
Angelina: CryptBlack – I have nothing to add: this is so accurate.
J-Lo: She has cleverly solved a fashion problem of the ages. Us women ALWAYS want to show off that sexy piece of arm skin below our shoulders. But sometimes its just too cold. Genius! Wear a long sleeve an for a cutout! Can’t believe I didn’t think of it myself.
Rooney: Pretty predictable but still pretty
Anna Faris: Stop. Just stop. Your hair is now a helmet. I mean, Anna Wintour can’t even pull off that hairstyle and she doesn’t have the trouty mouth competing with it. I see her being the next Cher-bot in approximately 400 years time. And please refer to Meryl: maxidress, long sleeve, high neck, fully sequined. It must have taken every 6 year old in CHina to get those sequins all sewn on in time.
Sandra: If this is your version of “I’m still divorced and everyone has forgotten and now I am a single mother” granny panty and ice cream binge, then you are forgive. If, however, it is your “look how single and fabulous I am” then you need to call Rachel Zoe ASAP.
Shailene: Shaimlene is more like it. I am happy that people aren’t arriving in the slut-scraps that were so popular at the Grammy’s, but 44 doesn’t mean you need to do the current trend minus the only thing it had going for it, bling. And no, those Starship Enterprise beam-me-up rays don’t count.
Kristen: I didn’t like birdesmaids and I laughed at the duster comment but I actually do love this dress. It’s chic and not too over the top, and, for a change does not have long frum sleeves.
Glenn don’t come any Closer: Lol @chlorophyll. This smacks of mother of the groom….when your daughter in law to be hates you.
Berenice: I actually love this. Again with the full length and long sleeves and sparkles (am I repeating myself? Is there and echo in this room? Is this the remix?) but I love the colour with her hair and the neckline, as well as the fact that the sleeves are sheer and the waist is tailored.
Wendi: Your name ends in an “i” for a reason. Wrong cut for her body and wrong style for her age (this is above 5years).
Melissa: How. Did. Nobody. Stop. You? The hair stylist? The make-up artist? Someone must have said “okay you can take off the hairdresser’s apron now… oh that’s the dress… ummm…awkward”.
Tina Fey: I’m just going to admit it. I love peplums. I think that if someone is pear shaped it can actually hide and not exaggerate their hips. But I agree about the hair, it’s a bit nothing. Like she was reading to her kids and suddenly remembered she had the Oscars, hoppedinto into her dress and gelled back her hair.
And for SBC I have not words, only respect. But I feel slightly sorry for Isla Fisher missing out to these Krav Maga babes.
That’s all I have. Whew, move over Joan Rivers.