” Tinkerbell thought she’d gotten over Peter Pan years ago but then when he told her he broke things off with Tiger Lilly, it was crazy, all of a sudden she wanted him again. She could feel it all like it was totally new.
Does this mean the feeling is real or does it mean I’m just a fucking idiot? she thought, and wished that someone would clap for her.”
” The prince and the pauper unfriended each other on Facebook because neither one could stand the other’s political status updates. “
” Wendy got back from Neverland and had kids right away. Then she was too fucking tired to do anything else. “
” Aladdin really wanted to win JaSmine back but he didn’t know how to do it. He googled tips for meaningful apologies and texted with the Genie for more ideas. He even read an article called “14 Ways To Get Her Back,” which he really thought would do the trick.
Finally, he closed his laptop and wrote her a letter by hand, telling her honestly how he felt. But he couldn’t find a stamp so he just texted her, “srsly babe im so sry.”
” Thumbelina never got much bigger but she did get her own reality TV show, so that’s cool. “
” The crazy thing is that eventually even Alice began to doubt whether what she’d seen down the rabbit hole had ever really existed. And it didn’t make her sad, there was nothing overly dramatic about it, it was just that now she understood how the world actually worked.
But then she was tagged in a photo by an old friend, by the White Rabbit. It was a faded picture of her and the Cheshire Cat, and, wow, it just brought her right back. “
“Jack kept climbing those bean stalks but he never got as high as he had got on the first one.”
” Beauty wanted to bring the Beast to meet her friends but she was nervous because they all had these super-hot boyfriends who worked in finance. She loved the Beast for who he was, she really did, but her friends were shallow and judgmental.
“Maybe you should get some new friends,” Siri advised.”
After pulling the sword from the stone but before becoming king, Arthur went on a cross-country road trip / vision quest. He crashed on friends’ couches or, on a few nights, the back seat of his car. He went to Burning Man, stayed in the mountains of Montana for a few weeks, and learned to build a cigar-box guitar from some guy on the street in New Orleans.
When he finally arrived home, a wiser man, he thought, “That shit was awesome. I gotta find a way to do that all the time.”
“Sleeping Beauty was inexplicably depressed and spent the entire day checking her email. But then she somehow ended up watching YouTube videos of regular people covering Mumford & Sons songs, and, okay, that Taylor Swift song “Begin Again,” and something about it was really beautiful and made her feel like she’d connected with someone and someone understood how she felt and she wasn’t alone.”
What the internet was invented and intended for.