Were I editorial director of this magazine:
1) You cannot have your dream body in 2 weeks. Even if you went the most guaranteed route (that of extreme and aggressive surgical intervention,) you would be bruised, battered and aching, in 2 weeks.
2) “Your fittest year starts here.” No. It doesn’t. “Your fittest year” will start in your head, and your heart and your legs and your burning muscles. Buying this magazine will make you feel fitter, but it will not make you fitter. Living fitter is up to you.
3) ” How the Supermom stays so hot at 40.” Granted Old Jenny McCarthy might be hotter than you, (She was born that way, and she might not (like 99.9% of other celeb role models) ever … you know … eat,) but she is not as hot as this image. It is Photoshopped. Do not Phall for such Mind Phukkery.
4) There are not “39 ways to drop weight fast.” There are not even two. There is one and it’s called anorexia. Most weightloss takes time, focus, discipline and hard work. Just for starters.
5) If this magazine knows how “never to have a bad day again,” then what will they write about hair next time round? Your hair, like you (and everyone else, including The Real Jenny McCarthy,) is not perfect. IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE.
6) You cannot “Get slim without dieting.” When dieting = “eating less.” THE END.
* For those of you who do not know “Porky pies” = cockney rhyming slang for lies, lies and damn coverlines.
BTW, I have never, to my knowledge written such lies on any cover of which I have been in control.
You are quite welcome to take me to task, in the firmest way, if you have issues.
I might run away from the flying fisticuffs, though (Not everyone loves my work,) but I warn you, I’m not unfit.
So I am healthy.
And so my body works.
And so I can eat. Not too much. Not too little. What my body needs.